TheSoko.com - How To Achieve Your First Orgasm

Never had an orgasm? You’re not alone. Sarah Stefanson tells you how to remedy the situation.

I am appalled and saddened by the number of my female friends and acquaintances who admit to me that they have never had an orgasm. These are confident, capable and gorgeous women in their 20s and beyond, who for one reason or another, have never managed to climax satisfactorily. Unfortunately, this is a lot more common than most people think. Most often, it’s an issue of education. Many women are not well-acquainted with their own bodies and sexuality and therefore, are unable to achieve orgasm.

What’s Up Doc?

First of all, make sure there is nothing physically wrong preventing you from climaxing. One of my girlfriends has regular yeast infections which make any kind of play down below a less than pleasant endeavour. Other conditions such as vaginitis (a broad term to describe various kinds of inflammations of the vaginal mucous) and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) may be preventing you from properly enjoying sensual touching of your vaginal area. If you have symptoms such as burning, itching or discharge, see your doctor to straighten this out before you continue. It should feel good to touch your genitals, not uncomfortable or painful.

The Myth of Penetration

Many women and men still believe that women should be able to regularly achieve orgasm through sexual intercourse alone. Consequently, women begin to feel like there is something wrong with them, and their partners tend to feel like failures. In reality, a majority of women are not able to orgasm through penetration alone.

The clitoris is the only organ designed purely for sexual pleasure and its pea-size shape has more nerve endings in it than the entire penis. If you are not already acquainted with your clitoris, now is the time to start making friends. Most women who have regular orgasms accomplish them through stimulation of the clitoris, so this is a good place to start. Orgasms caused by penetration, g-spot massage and anal stimulation are all possible, but if you’re just starting out, concentrating on the clit is your best bet.

Solo Sex

Even if you have a sexual partner, I suggest working on your own to achieve your first orgasm. If you don’t know how to pleasure yourself, you’ll be hard pressed to teach your lover how to do so. If you are one of those girls who thinks touching yourself is icky or wrong, get over it!!! If you really want to have a fulfilling sex life, you need to embrace masturbation in order to learn your own sexual responses.

Deep Breath

First and foremost, relax. Schedule a good chunk of time by yourself and do some deep breathing to fully calm yourself. Banish all thoughts of work, family, home and other stressors and bring yourself to a state of full relaxation. Make sure you will not be interrupted. This might mean sending the kids to grandma’s house or doing it while your spouse is at work. Draw the curtains and make yourself comfy. It is a good idea to follow this same procedure when you are making love with your partner as well (expect for the doing it while he’s at work part).

Get Slippery

Another reason women find it difficult to climax is that they are not properly lubricated. Unlike men who can get going as soon as they are hard, women need a little build up first. It takes some foreplay and stimulation beforehand to get the vagina to secrete its natural fluid so that everything is nice and slippery. The amount of lubrication created naturally varies from woman to woman, and many need the added help of water or silicone-based lube. The difference between the two is that silicone is thicker and longer lasting than water-based, but water-based is cheaper and won’t stain your bed sheets. Also, if you’re using any silicone sex toys, do not use silicone lube with them as the materials can bond together and cause discolouration.

No Expectations

The easiest way to kill an orgasm is to worry about whether or not you’re going to have one. Do your best to put your eventual goal out of your mind and just enjoy the sensations and feelings. Try a variety of speeds, patterns and pressure until you find a combination that works for you. Every woman is different and their orgasms are no exception. Again, concentrating on the clit is your best bet for just starting out, but if you’re comfortable doing so, you can also incorporate vibrators and penetrating toys. For more information on toys, see my article, How To Choose The Perfect Adult Toy.

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try, try again

Don’t get frustrated with yourself if you do not instantly achieve orgasm even after following all these instructions. Your body and your mind have to get used to the idea and the process before you can truly let go. Whatever you do, don’t give up. The rewards are definitely worth the effort.

Once you’ve successfully harnessed the power of orgasm on your own, have fun with teaching your partner the tricks that really turn you on. Trust me, this is one lesson he’ll be eager to learn.