TheSoko.com - Jingle Bells, Single Hell

When a relationship ends without warning, a blue Christmas can seem more plausible than a white one. Natasha Leitao offers advice on how to deal with a double-whammy.

Sparks fly, every giddy moment is filled with great conversation, laughter and endless fun. You can even disagree amicably. The two of you fit like hand in glove. As sickening as it sounds, it’s pure, smooth sailing on the calmest of oceans. Then bam! Out of nowhere, a nonsensical breakup sucker punches you and leaves you shipwrecked. Ladies and gentlemen, you know what I’m talking about. The close-to-perfect relationship that ends without any squall warning - I prefer to call it illegal dumping.

At any time of year, this is difficult to handle. However, when a breakup occurs around Christmas, a.k.a. ‘the judgment time of singles’, the situation becomes slightly more problematic. While you don’t have to put on your happy face, here are some suggestions to survive the holiday and concurrently mend a broken heart.

Be Alone

First and foremost, consider your needs following the initial aftermath and take care of yourself. Being split up with can obviously make you feel vulnerable and lonely and natural human instinct is to be with others we love and who reciprocally care about us. However, you are under no obligation to immerse yourself in the Christmas party culture. It’s okay to think about the relationship past and feel upset, angry, sad or confused. It’s acceptable to lavish attention on yourself and think about what YOU want. Go ahead and play CDs you both loved, look at old photos of the two of you or just drink cosmopolitans and watch Sex and the City. Do whatever your heart desires, because this is about returning yourself to a level of normalcy and reasonable functioning.

Just don’t engage in behaviours that will ultimately fare worse for you, such as hooking up with a toxic ex or going on a date with someone simply because you don’t want to be alone. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and have your back, but don’t be afraid to say no and stay in by yourself either.

Learn Forgiveness

I am by no means a big fan of Christmas because of the mass over-consumption and commercialization. To me, Christmas is about spending quality time with the people I love the most. It is also about forgiveness. People hurt and disappoint us, and we do this to others as well. Having just been broken up with may not make you the jolliest of Santas, but honestly, the holidays are an ideal time to learn to let go of the pain once caused by other people. Whether you forgive someone silently or have a coffee with a friend you fought with, this is healthy. And remember, forgiveness does not necessarily equate to forgetting. You just grow from it and move on.

Comfort Others in Need

Contrary to popular belief, misery does not necessarily attract company. While it may be hard to give of yourself to others when you feel depressed and grinchy, helping others can fulfill you in ways nothing else can. Christmastime always calls for volunteers in shelters, soup kitchens or other charitable organizations, so check out where you can lend your services. It doesn’t have to require a volunteer stint, either. Just taking the time to remember people you may have forgotten about is a step towards healing. If your great-grandmother hasn’t seen you in ages, or a colleague is coping with the death of a loved one, offer to be there for them if they need you.

Avoid the Questions

Post-breakup, sauntering through areas adorned with decorations, Bing Crosby carols and happy couples can make you feel like stabbing someone in the eye with an ice pick. Don’t. At parties, when various individuals ask you why you are single, or when you are going to get married, stay calm. Queries such as these may incite you to retort, “I think I saw your husband leaving your best friend’s house at 9 a.m. last Sunday,” but be the bigger person. Either pull a Bridget Jones and say, “It’s because us singles have scales on our bodies.” Or simply change the subject to the Karlheinz Schreiber tribunal. If people are still persistent, walk away and get a scotch. You don’t have to justify your situation to anyone, regardless of who they are.

Concentrate on Your Life

Once you have gotten over the initial mopey hurdle of the breakup and feel more stable, remember that you had a life before and will continue to have one now. Now is the time to strengthen your career, play a new sport or instrument, or try a new hobby. These are just a few aspects that make you the fabulous person you are. While everyone else is gaining turkey-and-liquor induced weight, think of how marvelous you will feel from meeting new people and keeping fit in your Ashtanga Yoga class.

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serenity now

When the pain of a breakup is fresh, it’s hard to believe well-intentioned family and friends when they tell you that you will get through this low time. Yes, Christmas is difficult for the 'non-marrieds' and recent 'dumpees'. However, you also need to remember that it is just a day, and then the world returns to normal. The rest of you will grow back. In time.